There is admiration for Sutter Cane in plain sight. He created his world in the terrible image of hell, becoming his own king in yellow on the shores of a New England Carcosa. Sam Neill is an ordinary man destined to become the living ritual sacrifice of history. Bonus, guaranteed to make you pause the movie and rave about it to your pals every time Anakin Skywalker, Hayden Christensen himself, has a wink and you’ll miss his role as a kid on a bike.
masters of the universe
Teenagers discover each other, unite! While LabyrinthDavid Bowie’s equally telling puberty boost has been acclaimed for its beautiful visuals, the glorious train wreck that is masters of the universe done, uh, no. Its score of 22% reminds us that no one had anything nice to say when it came out. But that wasn’t the question. While this is, yes, a terrible MOTU movie, it’s an eternally great watch for two good reasons.
Dolph Lundgren was at his physical peak in 1984, and some blessed fool in the costume department decided to oil him for the entire 1 hour and 45 minute run. On behalf of my generation, thank you. For the second point, veteran actor Frank Langella has had the time of his life being Skeletor. Not only is this visible, it is always happy to tell you how much fun he had. Alright, there’s a third reason why this movie is still a great cable: It’s not a great adaptation, but it’s a tremendous corny fantasy film, in a world where we don’t have enough of it.
Freddy got fingered
In the spring of 2001, the mothers had already withstood the hurricanes of The simpsons And South Park. Donkey was still an existential threat, but it was manageable. It became difficult for teenagers to find something that could still offend their whole family, and maybe even some of their friends. Enter Tom Green. This shock comedian par excellence was already corrupting the youth with his eponymous show, and then, damn it, someone gave this guy enough money to make a movie.
Freddy got fingered is not a classy movie. It’s about a chaotic loser with a dream, and ultimately, he accomplishes…something, anyway. It’s a shitshow, a hallucination that makes Napoleon Dynamite look like a Wes Anderson movie. Its Rotten Tomatoes score is apocalyptic, of course (11%!), and yet, this film thrives. He’s glorious and proud of his stupidity, a triumph that feels like breaking a week-long constipation blockage. We will never stop seeing it, and today, we are not ashamed to admit it.
willow
Fantasy fans have long defended willow, but we don’t usually look at why we have to be. Panning hard on release for a generic plot laced with gorgeous Lucasfilm effects, it’s still vying for respect with a 55% update on the Big Tomato. star wars has a generic Hero’s Journey plot and everyone loves it, but Lucas made a fantastic version with the hottest iteration of Val Kilmer and critics rushed to beat this thing. Rude.